


Failed Lessons

by Moira_chan



Series: XanLow Week 2016 [3]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Attempt at Humor, M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Teacher-Student Relationship, Xanlow Week 2016
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-18 09:33:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8157434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moira_chan/pseuds/Moira_chan
Summary: Lesson number one: when you’re an eighteen year old male high school student, you don’t develop a crush on your math teacher.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Here's my fic for XanLow Week day 03, prompt "fear"!  
> You usually go with angst for that kind of prompt, but I already wrote angst for day 02 so you get silly attempted humor instead. Sorry. Also looking back at what I wrote, I wonder if I haven't strayed away from the prompt a bit... ooh well. Hope you'll like it!
> 
> Also available [ on my tumblr](http://moirakoro.tumblr.com/post/151066263417/title-failed-lessons-theme-day-03-fear-word).

Lesson number one: when you’re an eighteen year old male high school student, you don’t develop a crush on your math teacher.  
Especially when said teacher happens to be a man. And no, not even if he’s the most handsome guy you’ve ever laid your eyes on; not even if he’s calm and understanding, harsh with those who don’t do their homework but fair with those who give it their best, the perfect mixture of strictness and patience; not even if he smiled at you once and you almost saw roses and glitter appear behind him as your heart missed a beat in typical shoujo manga fashion.

Having failed to apply lesson number one more spectacularly than it should be possible to fail anything in the entire universe, Laslow is currently at his best friend’s place, cramming for tomorrow’s math exam while cursing his own terrible tendency to fall in love way too easily. Well, he didn’t _technically_ fail this hard, sure – Mr. de Nohr isn’t actually his teacher, but rather a substitute professor who has been chosen to teach his class math until their usual teacher comes back from her maternity leave. Still, he’s giving lessons and explaining exercises and assigning homework just the same, and the fact that he’s not officially appointed yet only means that he’s younger – that is, closer in age to Laslow.  
Lesson number two: when you’re an eighteen year old boy who was dumb enough to develop a crush on his math teacher, you _stop_ thinking about the chances you might have to ever get with him because _there are none_.

He’s still trying to convince himself of this when Peri comes back from the kitchen, a tray in her hands and the sweet smell of freshly baked pastries in her trail.

“Laslow!” she exclaims cheerfully. “I brought you some tea and cupcakes!”

As she places the tray on the table, she leans over it to have a curious look at her best friend’s notebook.

“Wow, you’re still studying for tomorrow? Heehee!” She giggles, then sits on a chair in front of him. “Mr. Xander’s going to be so impressed!”

“Yeah… I really, really hope he will…”

Because he’s been studying for the past three hours, and although he’s not _that_ bad at math, he’s so tired that he’s starting to become unable to even read the numbers properly anymore. He definitely should have worked harder during the first semester, and done his homework more regularly, and spent more time listening in class rather than trying to send notes to his cutest classmates – but at the same time, how could he have foreseen that the substitute teacher would be _this_ … perfect?  
Crossing his hands on his notebook, Laslow suddenly buries his head in his arms and lets out a groan that honestly sounds more like a wail. No one should be allowed to be as charming as Mr. de Nohr; and he’s in deep, deep trouble.

Peri isn’t helping, by the way. Right now, she’s laughing at his despair, all the while eating the delicious-looking cupcakes she baked.

“You know,” she says, “if you love him that much, I think you should tell him!”

“What?!” Laslow suddenly raises his head in panic. “Peri, you know I can’t!”

That’s lesson three, actually: when you, a dumb eighteen year old boy, can’t help but spend your entire days thinking about ways there might be for you to get with your handsome math teacher, you never ever _ever_ confess. That’s just an absolute no-no.  
Even if it’ll take longer to get over your feelings if you force yourself to bottle them up on a daily basis; and even if your nice yet plain irresponsible best friend urges you to tell him everything.

Besides, if he confessed, he probably wouldn’t ever be able to live it down. Mr. de Nohr would laugh- Actually, no, Mr. de Nohr wouldn’t laugh at all. He isn’t one to mock someone who’s in trouble, especially if this person is one of his students; if anything, he would frown, or maybe look very concerned, and perhaps… not perhaps – most certainly, he’d feel bad. And guilty.  
And making the man he loves feel terrible is literally the last thing on Earth that Laslow ever wants to do, so he takes his face in his arms and fights the urge to scream.

“You can’t keep going on like this until the end of the year…” Now Peri looks sincerely worried, for once. “You’re going to fail aaall your finals if you can’t focus on anything but Mr. Xander.”

Laslow sighs. She’s right, but there’s nothing he can do… is there? Nothing, except hope that the end of his last year of high school comes quickly, and that after an interminable summer of despairing over this unrequited, impossible love, he gets himself a nice boyfriend or girlfriend at university and can finally get over Mr. de Nohr. It’ll take a long time to mend his broken heart, but he’ll manage it – at least, girls in books and movies always manage it, so…  
Why is he even thinking about this all? Gods, he must look so ridiculous right now – pitiful, even, judging by the look Peri gives him. That is, until a glimmer of determination lights up in her only visible eye and she speaks up again.

“That’s it!” she exclaims. “I’m going to show you!”

Laslow’s eyes widen and he almost chokes on air.

“What?! Don’t tell me you love him too?!”

“No, silly!” Peri frowns menacingly, making her friend hope she’s not angry (or at least, not angry enough to hurt him too badly). “I’ll show you how to get closer to him. So that you can finally confess!”

 _But he can’t confess_ – that’s what he wants to say. He remains silent, however; because the truth is that…  
Even though he knows that he shouldn’t confess, no, that he definitely _must not_ confess because it’s kind of written in the natural laws of the universe or something, somehow, he _wants_ to confess these feelings that have been building up inside his chest for months already. Even if it means breaking his own heart and putting his teacher in a difficult situation… just like he can’t help paying compliments to pretty girls, he doesn’t want to resist the urge to tell Mr. de Nohr how much he loves him.

***

That’s how he ends up failing the exam on the following day, mostly.  
He’s kept studying until late, but once he’s in front of the paper, with Mr. de Nohr sitting at the teacher’s desk with his usual, noble posture, he can’t seem to remember anything – except the fact that, since this is the last hour of the day, Peri promised that she would show him how to confess right after class.

So he hasn’t answered half of the questions when the bell rings; the hour went by both slowly and way, _way_ too fast. There’s only been one, and there’s still only one thing in his head: apprehension. Fear, even. Although he knows he’s not necessarily supposed to confess today, the very idea that he has more or less decided to do so eventually, and that Peri has found a way for him to do so, makes him all anxious and feverish.  
If any of his classmates hears Peri and him talking or just realizes all by themselves that he’s in love with their (substitute) math teacher… he’ll be so, so screwed. And he’ll have to change schools, probably. As well as hide in a hole for the rest of his life.

Since he doesn’t want that to happen, he makes sure to wait until Mr. de Nohr has gathered all the exams and all students but Peri and himself have left the room before standing up. He crosses his arms behind his back in hopes it’ll be enough to hide his sweaty palms and the tremors in his fingers, then shoots Peri a questioning, slightly pleading glance. When they planned this, this morning, she didn’t tell him anything, except that he had to wait and let her make the first move; but their teacher is looking at them, now, and Laslow really can’t afford to embarrass himself in front of his crush, so…  
Once she’s done putting all her colorful stationery back in her bag, Peri takes something else out of it and stands up. She walks up to Laslow with a large smile on her face, and that’s when he realizes that what she’s holding seems to be… a transparent, pale pink plastic bag filled with handmade cookies and closed with a cute ribbon? His eyes widen, but he doesn’t have the time to comment – Peri grabs his arm and turns to face Mr. de Nohr.

“Mr. Xander!” It’s amazing how he still raises his head to look at her and doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest by the fact that she’s calling him by his first name – but he’s just that tolerant, isn’t he? “Laslow and I made those for you yesterday!”

She lets out a girly giggle as she drags her best friend along with her up to their teacher’s desk; but… what did she just say?! Laslow barely has time to register what is happening, however, before his favorite teacher is holding the bag – the bag filled with cookies he believes to have been made especially for him by both Peri and Laslow, when all of this is actually only Peri’s doing.

“I’m… very touched, Peri, but is there a reason why you two may want to offer me a gift?”

And that’s when Peri’s answer almost makes Laslow’s heart stop.

“That’s because we love you, Mr. Xander!”

What? Or rather, how?  
Never losing her smile, not even for a second, she sends her friend an encouraging side-glance, as if waiting for him to approve of her words or something; but how can she say that so easily? How does she have the courage to stand in front of Mr. de Nohr right now, and say that she loves him as if it were nothing? Well, it’s probably because she isn’t actually in love with him and only likes him as a teacher – but still! Laslow can’t do that! Besides, with how bright red his face has turned, there’s no way it wouldn’t be suspicious if he told his teacher he liked him now; and gods, his heart is beating so fast, its pounding in his ears is so loud that he can’t even hear what Peri says before she-  
Lets go of his arm and leaves the classroom.

And he’s left alone with the man he loves, who looks… entirely disconcerted?

“Ah!” Laslow exclaims, still blushing way too much for it not to be questionable. “I’m so sorry, Mr. de Nohr! Peri actually baked those on her own… b-but they’ll be really good, I swear! If you want to eat them, I mean... she’s an amazing cook.”

Lesson number four: when the absolutely idiotic eighteen year old boy that you are gets an opportunity to confess to his math teacher and starts considering actually doing it…  
You think _quickly_ and make sure to take the good decisions.

Winking to hide his embarrassment, right now, probably _wasn’t_ a good decision.  
Mr. de Nohr is giving him an intense, puzzled look, as if unable to understand at all why he is acting so suspiciously; and the more Laslow’s staying there, unmoving and silent, the more he’s probably annoying his teacher; but the two of them are alone in the classroom, with most students already gone from the school, or talking too loudly in the halls to pay any attention to anything else, so…  
It’s now or never – and since he’s already gone this far, since he’s already waited this long, since he’s already suffered this much, it has to be now.

“As- As for the love part, however…” he’s finally able to stammer, his gaze drifting away, his entire body trembling in fear of the harsh rejection that he _knows_ is coming extremely soon, “I… I’m the only who loves you.”

Then he realizes that what he just said sounds incredibly mean and panic makes his eyes open wide.

“I- I mean! I’m in love with you, Mr. de Nohr!”

And just like that, it’s done.  
He said it.  
He _finally_ said it.  
And now all he can do is wait in nervous, no, terrified silence as the man who occupies all of his thoughts gives him a surprised look, sighs, and closes his eyes.

“Laslow… you know that I cannot respond to your request.”

Yes, he knows.  
He knew right from the beginning, actually, so… why does it still hurt so much to hear it? Why does his heart still clench so hard in his chest that he feels like he’s choking? It’s not even the first time he’s been rejected; hell, girls reject him all the time! So why is it so painful?  
Is this… Is this what true love is? Is he just so unlucky in love that his soulmate has to be his _substitute math teacher_ of all people – so close to him in age, yet so unreachable?!

Ah.  
All the sadness and frustration are overwhelming him, especially after having been stressed out and anxious and terrified for so long. Tears he hadn’t even realized had formed are pricking his eyelids. He doesn’t want to cry in front of the man he loves, he really doesn’t-  
Suddenly, he hears a long, deep sigh. The rustle of a moving chair. And when he finally gathers the courage to raise his head and open his eyes again, he finds himself faced with Mr. de Nohr, who stood up and is now right in front of him.

“Laslow…” He calls his name in a soft, pained murmur.

Is he- Is he _blushing_? For a second, it looks like it; but he’s quick to press a hand to his forehead in a conflicted gesture.

“When are you graduating?”

His voice is so firm and resolved again that it takes Laslow off guard. His mind is blank for a while – then he comes back to his senses, blinks, and quickly counts in his head.

“In… in three months,” he finally answers, “sir.”

Once again, Mr. de Nohr keeps silent. Then, after a moment of hesitation-  
He extends his hand, and the incredibly sweet feeling of having his calloused yet caring fingers wipe away the tears on his cheek makes Laslow want nothing but to cry harder.

“Can you wait until then?” his teacher asks. There’s an uncertainty in his voice, as if he was afraid to know the answer, but he goes on. “If you… If your feelings have remained the same by then, please come talk to me again.”

He’s using the soft yet determined voice that he’s always using whenever one of his students asks him for an explanation or for advice – except it sounds so much more honest, so much more uncertain and fragile right now, as he carefully tucks a strand of hair behind Laslow’s ear.

“Is this… okay with you?”

There’s a certain lesson number five that says that when you, the stupid eighteen year old male high school student who managed to develop a crush on his math teacher, desperately hope to get with him someday, decide to confess and even actually confess, are unable to take the good decisions for the life of you, you should just shut your mouth and run away before embarrassing yourself even more than you already have – or something like that.

But Laslow’s failed every single lesson until now; so why would he even care about this one?

“Yes,” he answers without hesitation – and three months later, when the graduation ceremony finally ends, he’s almost no longer afraid to walk up to his former substitute math teacher and ask him on a date (which, for once, he gets).

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably one of the best structured fics I have ever written in English; unfortunately, it's also one of the most stupid. Still, if it made you smile, even just a little, then my job here is done. o/  
> Thanks for reading!!


End file.
